I'm such a fail.
Fail at neglecting lj, lj friends + friends in real life, my own life and situation, school, writing in my journal (so i can collect all my thoughts) and just not making my life better where I can be happier or well content might be the better word.
And still fail for switch emails. still listing my old yahoo email for my lj but I've been using gmail for years. maaa~ i should go change it now then... or when i feel like it -.-
I've been meaning to type some long post now that school is about to start for me and I'm about to start a new chapter in my life. I've been MIA for like a year, soo loong. It was just out of nowhere but I could have predicted bad things would have happen and I would just be alone and dealing with my problems. I've just changed sooo much from my 14 year old self when I first got an LJ. I'm almost 18, a senior now and I've gone through so much the past year... well it started in sophomore year and the worst happened junior year. ( looong useless ramble on what happenedCollapse )
well long story short in summarizing loong ramble:
bike accident where i almost loss my life reminded my of past demons (childhood friends that passed away young) that led to my extreme depressed state during the past year which affected me in school, severely in my grades, relationships, health, state of mind. a middle school's friend death added to the misery and it spiraled out of control. grades really slipped, I screwed up so bad that my mom has has just said the worst insults. because of all this I became disinterested in online interests + forgot all about them. so I'm sorry if I never got back to anyone and how i just disappeared. i wish i can go back and do it all over and handle it better to my friends online and offline. *sighs* I have to patch it up with an important friend, too. I sorta pushed him away and things are just awkward between us, even though there were a few times that we would spend a few hours talking to each other. anyway, then again i learned so much from this year. so yeah even though it sucks... Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.
I've moved on. I decided the best thing to do was to leave my high school early and go to De Anza College and I'll spend two years and transfer. I got accepted into the middle college program they have in my hs district so it feels like I graduated early. Wish I did it in junior year but oh well. I'll enjoy/make the best out of my senior year or really my first year of college now.
With all that has happened I've felt like I matured and grown a lot. I know myself better now. I have new interests to add long with the many things that takes up my time distracting me from school, lol. I've been a buddhist since i was young but never took the teachings and applied it to my life till this year.. it has helped me so much now in getting me back on track. Been in an Arashi + jdrama phase for months.. and recently Korean stuff mostly cuz by my cousin Kevin when we spent a week in LA last month. maa I hope this doesn't distract me from school, well it has from me going out and applying for Target. >_< *fails again*